Projection
by Dark Star of Chaos
Summary: Starscream knows he's not an ideal Trinemate, and that he isn't as close to his new Trine as Seekers normally are. He knows he should encourage them find a better third, or at least discourage them from fussing over him. But he's never been that strong.


**So a while back, a friend asked if _Unleashed_ Starscream can read EM fields. I don't usually write Cybertronians picking up each other's fields (aside from Soundwave), but it spawned an idea anyway, and here we are.**

**The canonicity of this piece to the main story is mildly dubious since the main story doesn't have fields, but that's really the only continuity issue. So for all intents and purposes, this does take place in the _Unleashed_ timeline.**

* * *

Too many people. Too much noise. How in Primus' name did bots always manage to be everywhere when all Starscream wanted was to be left alone?

He slipped through the crowded streets of the Decepticon outpost as quickly as the throngs of bots would allow, snarling at anyone who bumped him. The fields of those around him jangled harshly against his senses, even with his own pulled in tightly. It was impossible to filter them, whether to reduce them to background noise or to process the range of emotions they contained. There was anger spilling over from the left, amusement from the right, some unidentifiable form of agitation just ahead. He did his best to keep at least a wing's length between himself and others, but it wasn't enough, and he was certain these bots were projecting their fields out further than was socially acceptable.

_I don't care,_ he seethed silently. _I don't care about your problems, I don't care about your lives, I _**_don't care!_**

No one reacted. With his field pulled in as close as it was, they probably couldn't even feel his distress-turned-rage unless they came into physical contact with him. The few bots who did give him wide berth probably saw it on his face, but as he kept his gaze down to avoid meeting anyone's optics, he couldn't be sure.

He shoved past a pair of mechs, ignoring the startled anger in their fields and the voices that shouted after him. It all blurred together with the rest of the noise around him anyway. There was too fragging much of it. But somehow, the gleeful, taunting voice echoing in his audios was louder still. The chaos around him couldn't drown it out.

It took forever to reach the hotel they'd repurposed as barracks, and it was just as loud inside as out. He wished he could just fly to the rooms he shared with his Trine, but all the windows were too small, and he didn't need to get in trouble for blowing holes in the walls. No matter how much better it would make him feel. So he took the stairs instead; it was slower than the lift, but the very idea of being crammed into a small space with other bots made him too claustrophobic to care. Or maybe it was the hot press of bodies around him that was triggering it.

The second floor of the building was mercifully quieter than the previous, though he still made a point of avoiding contact with those he passed. He knew which room was his, but still scanned the plaques above the doors almost desperately, even knowing that watching the numbers slip by one at a time would only make the journey feel longer. When he finally found the right one he didn't wait for the doors to open all the way before turning sideways and slipping through. Two of the Seekers who shared the suite's other berthroom were sitting in the common area, but he barely glanced at them as he crossed to his own. Thankfully, they were too far away for him to pick up their fields.

His Trine's room was too small for three Seekers, even with only one berth, and a broken window meant it was always cold. But it was empty and quiet, and that was all that mattered. He heaved a ragged sigh, leaning back against the door that now provided a reassuring barrier between himself and the rest of the world.

Now that he had stopped moving, he was able to notice the slight tremor in his hands and wings and… everything. Everything was shaking, and his legs didn't want to hold him up anymore. He cycled another gulp of cool air and pushed off from the door, moving to collapse face first onto the berth. It occurred to him only once he was there that he'd forgotten the lights, but that was fine. The dark was good, paired well with the quiet. He was happy with the lights off.

He dragged himself fully onto the berth and shut off his optics, listening to the ragged sound of his own ventilations and trying to count them like he'd been taught. It was a pointless exercise that he gave up in frustration after only six, burying his face in his arms instead. Counting wasn't going to help him calm down. And it certainly wasn't going to silence the taunting words that had yet to stop ringing in his audios. So much for the reprieve of silence.

He didn't know how long he lay there before voices in the common room caught his attention, but he didn't move when the door opened. He knew it was one of his Trine - the others wouldn't enter without permission - but he didn't want to face them right now. Maybe they would leave him alone if they thought he was recharging.

_Oh, but they aren't really your Trine, are they? _the voice in his head mocked._ Just a couple mechs stuck with you out of pity._

A jarring, chaotic field enveloped him, startling him out of his thoughts an instant before a heavy weight landed on his back. He jolted with a yelp.

"Skywarp, get off!"

"Can't," a voice replied from somewhere between his wings. "Gravity's too heavy."

"Gravity isn't a thing that _is_ heavy, it _makes _things heavy!"

"Oh you two," Thundercracker sighed from somewhere above them. The berthpad dipped on Starscream's other side as Thundercracker slid in to sit between him and the wall, and a calmer, questioning field swelled out in search of his. He snarled a warning, pulling it in as tightly as possible, but couldn't escape the light caress on the edge of his consciousness any more than he could the hand that settled on his head a moment later. He lay still while Thundercracker petted him and Skywarp got comfortable, not minding the intrusion into his personal space as much as he pretended. At least not from these two.

"Sandblast said you were fighting again," Thundercracker said at length. "With six mechs."

Starscream snorted. "Sandblast needs to get his facts straight." He picked at a hole in the berthpad for a few moments, then muttered, "Two of them were femmes."

"He also said you attacked Paradox."

"I would have done more if his Trinemates hadn't grabbed me."

"Did they hurt you?" Skywarp demanded. His frame was already tensing to climb off, but Starscream found himself reaching back, grabbing Skywarp's arm to keep him in place.

"I'm fine," he said firmly. "But maybe check _before_ you collapse on top of me next time."

Skywarp grunted skeptically, but resettled, freeing his arm from Starscream's hold to take his hand in return. "They need to leave you alone."

"According to what I was told," Thundercracker interrupted, apparently determined to finish his interrogation, "you attacked him over a few insults."

Starscream shrugged. It sounded unreasonable put that way, but it wasn't a lie.

"Is that what happened?" Thundercracker pressed.

"Does it matter? You're going to lecture me anyway."

"Because I don't want you doing the same thing later and getting in trouble again. That doesn't mean I'm automatically going to blame you for what happened."

"Sure it doesn't," Starscream muttered, making a futile attempt to free his hand from Skywarp's. "Yes, I attacked Paradox over a few insults. With every intention of doing serious damage."

"What did he say?" Thundercracker was still petting Starscream, still gentle despite the admission of guilt. It made no sense to him, particularly considering he'd meant what he said about serious damage. He turned his attention back to the hole in the berthpad.

"Are you seriously going to ignore the fact that I wanted to slag him just because he said something I didn't like?"

"Yes," Skywarp said without hesitation.

"No," Thundercracker countered, and Starscream could easily picture the look he was shooting Skywarp. "But you admitted to it and apparently know it was an overreaction, so I'm not going to worry about it right now."

"Not to mention we just found you lying in the dark," Skywarp added. "_And_ you only keep your field in like this when you're upset." He paused, his own field pulsing out as though searching for Starscream's. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Fine," Starscream grunted. "Now get off."

This time Skywarp listened, though he immediately shoved his way under Starscream's wing to burrow into his side. Starscream growled at him, but didn't have the energy to protest. Thundercracker lay down more slowly on his other side, laying a hand on Starscream's back once he was settled. Their fields were warm and soft against his, but there was an undercurrent of something uneasy that made him nervous. Were they tired of dealing with him? They probably were. Everyone got tired of dealing with him sooner or later. Just like Paradox had said.

He shouldn't care. He knew better than that, knew how dangerous caring was. But it didn't stop the longing for warmth and affection. It didn't stop the fear that they would leave him.

"You know if there's something wrong you can talk to us, right?" Thundercracker asked.

Starscream groaned. "I'd better, considering how often you say that."

"I keep saying it because you keep trying to hide things. You don't have to do that."

If Starscream told them every time something was wrong, then they'd _really_ get tired of him.

One of their fields pulsed gently against his, as though trying to coax him out. It might have been Skywarp, but he couldn't tell them apart at this proximity. Their fields overlapped and blended, merging into a single, unified front of calm that felt completely at odds with his own agitation. And he knew others could feel that too, could tell how out of synch he was with his Trine. How broken he was.

He kept his field pulled in, unwilling to disrupt theirs. But he did that just by lying here between them. He tried to squirm free, but Skywarp wrapped an arm around his waist and Thundercracker slid one over his shoulders, keeping him pinned between them.

"Easy," Thundercracker murmured. "You're okay."

Starscream made a scathing sound, twisting against their holds. "If that were true, we wouldn't be here right now!"

He shouldn't have said that. Frag, he shouldn't be trying to get away from them, they hadn't done anything. All he was doing was proving how not okay he was. He slumped back to the berth with a groan, doing everything he could to ignore the now-restless fields blanketing him. So much for not disrupting them.

"Not feeling okay doesn't mean you have to leave," Skywarp said. "You can stay, that's all he's saying."

"Well, maybe I don't want to!" Starscream snapped.

"Do you want us to let go?" Thundercracker asked.

Starscream knew he was only asking in the physical sense, but it sounded a lot more final. Like he was asking if they should give up on him. And that would probably be for the best. He should tell them to do it, to find someone better to be their third, someone who could actually _complete_ their Trine instead of ruining it.

But he was too selfish for that. He shook his head, optics fixed on the berthpad.

For a few moments they lay in silence, then a field nudged his again. "At least let us feel you," Skywarp coaxed, proving that it was him. "Please?"

Starscream hated that small voice. He'd never been able to say no when Skywarp sounded like that. And apparently this time would be no different, because after a few kliks more he sighed and hesitantly extended his field, brushing against theirs.

It was like he'd lashed out at them the way they reacted. He couldn't tell which emotions were whose, whether the shock and anger and other things he couldn't identify were meant for him or something else. But he recoiled from it, pulling his field in tight again. He tried to pull away physically too, but they were still wrapped around him. Then a hand pressed to his cheek, turning his head, and it occurred to him as he met Thundercracker's gaze that he hadn't looked at either of them since they arrived. The thought made him feel even worse, and was the only reason he didn't look away now.

"Starscream, what did he say to you?" Thundercracker demanded.

Starscream dug his fingers into the berthpad, unsure how to reply. Paradox hadn't said anything, really. At least nothing that warranted this kind of reaction. If he told them after the way _they'd_ reacted, they would probably be annoyed at best. Maybe even disgusted. But the longer he resisted telling them, the more negatively they would react when they finally found out.

"He… he said he's never seen a third fail to complete a Trine before. That we aren't a _real_ Trine, and sooner or later you'll- you'll realize I'm just a problem and-" His voice was breaking too much to continue. He pulled free of Thundercracker's hand to bury his face in his arms again, cursing himself for not having better control.

"Slagger," Skywarp growled.

"Is that why you attacked him?" Thundercracker asked.

Starscream took a shuddering ventilation, trying to steady himself enough to speak clearly. "I attacked him because he's right. You two are better without me and I hate it."

Better off. He'd meant to say better off. Now he just sounded jealous and petty. But it was true either way, so maybe it didn't matter.

"Starscream." Thundercracker had propped himself up on one elbow and was trying to tip his face up again. "Starscream, look at me." He waited until Starscream finally raised his head, then said, "You are _not_ a problem. Yes, you're hard to be around sometimes and you have some bad habits, but you're doing better. And being a Trine isn't about how well we fly together or- or how complete we are, it's about being there for each other. Even when it's hard. This hasn't been easy for you either, but we're all working it out, aren't we?"

Starscream stared at him for a few moments, then twisted to look at Skywarp, who peered back at him from the shadow of his wing. Upon being noticed Skywarp reached up with his free arm, wrapping it around his shoulders. Starscream sighed and awkwardly returned the hug with one arm, prompting Skywarp to shift further up the berth and tighten his grip. A hand settled on Starscream's head again, petting lightly, and he turned his gaze back to Thundercracker.

"We're not going to give up on you," Thundercracker said. "But you need to help us by not giving up on yourself. Okay?"

Starscream didn't trust himself to speak. With his luck he would say the wrong thing. Instead he tentatively extended his field again, bypassing the anger still present in theirs to search out the other emotions. He still couldn't tell whose was whose, but surprise and what might have been relief registered quickly. He almost withdrew then, wanting to keep the answering stab of guilt to himself, but forced himself to push past that too, looking for the uneasiness he'd noticed before.

Thundercracker settled against his back while he was busy, but neither he nor Skywarp spoke. They seemed content to bask in his field, though he couldn't understand why. He didn't keep it reined in as a normal thing, so they should be used to it. He considered asking, but that would be a weird question if it was something obvious. Better to ignore them and stay focused.

Worry, he decided at last. The uneasiness seemed to be worry, which made him feel ridiculous. That was a perfectly reasonable thing for bots to feel after finding their Trinemate lying in the dark and refusing to look at them. Now he did withdraw, but only enough so that it didn't feel borderline invasive. Much as he would never admit it, he enjoyed feeling their fields mingling with his.

"You can say it at any time, you know," he muttered. "I need to stop overreacting."

"Well, since you just did, we don't need to," Skywarp said. "But if you're talking about attacking Paradox, that jerk deserves everything he gets."

Starscream grunted skeptically, reaching back with his free hand. Thundercracker took it, squeezing briefly, then guided it back to the berth, where his hand stayed cupped over Starscream's.

"You okay?" Thundercracker asked.

Starscream shook his head. There was no point in trying to lie when the answer was clear in his field.

Thundercracker interlaced his fingers with Starscream's. "Get some rest. We'll be here as long as you need us to be."

Starscream wanted to believe that. But with Paradox's taunting voice still in his head, asking if he really thought these two would ever properly Trine him, he couldn't.

Because Paradox was right. There was no Trine bond between them, and there never would be. Starscream couldn't risk that kind of connection with anyone, least of all during a war. How long would it be before they realized that and left him for someone who _would_ complete their Trine?

He wished he was strong enough to push them away himself, and just get it over with. Instead he pulled his field back in, keeping his fear and self-disgust hidden as much as possible, and tried to ignore the disappointment that filled theirs. If he was going to hurt them no matter what he did, he would rather not leave them with echoes of his own pain.

* * *

**Also, to any who might be wondering, _Unleashed_ isn't dead! I've hit a few creative snags (the main one being RL), but I will be continuing the story!**


End file.
